ah, blah, and humph!

I feel like shit. No physical reason for it however. I've not workout in days and coaching is about the only other movement I get. Exams are looming ahead of me, and I can't see to get motivated. Instead of getting focused I get tired. So, I decide to take a nap. Then I get anxious because I'm not working. This all ends with me running circles around my work, building anxiety as I go. I've managed to completely blow off what should have been my most productive day before finals. Great. And, to boot, I'm starting to feel like a second wheel to Shannon around everyone. I feel like she has created this small network of friends, and I have become this quiet partner. That's probably the first time I have been in that situation, and I'm sure it's not going to get better any time soon. I'm dating an amazing person and people are finally starting to see that. I just wish my team, coaches and even athletes would not seemingly invite me just to invite her to do things.

I hate not having gym. I hate not having the excuse to stop thinking for a little while and focus on something that is instantly gratifying and enjoyable on the worst of days. No, I've lost that part of my life and the friends that go with it, and, instead, I spend hour sulking around the house trying to replace gym with food. Amazing - Getting fat will surely get me out of this pit of self-pity that I have drug myself into -sure.....

Good thing no one knows that I have a blog, huh?! Might lose the friends that Shannon still has....
later

Off

I had an amazing weekend. I took my girlfriend up to Chicago to go shopping at the outlet center and then spent all day coaching and hanging out with my old team and coaches. It was the perfect weekend. Now I feel a lot like I do after a particularly good meet... off. I've got work looming ahead of me, and responsibilities back on my plate. I'm not stressed about the work I have to get done or the week ahead of me, but I'm not motivated to get any of it done either. I'm more motivated to sleep, but since I didn't get up until about 11 this morning (mostly due to a 2am bedtime after a night out with an old coach and friends), I am trying to convince myself to find something to do other than shut down.
My girlfriend has been up for hours, stressed about finishing her edits for her proposal, and is now making breakfast for us both because.....
chicken and cheese on a English muffin.... got to go....
my girlfriend is amazing. Changes my day with a smile and a shuffle back to the chicken.
later