ah, blah, and humph!

I feel like shit. No physical reason for it however. I've not workout in days and coaching is about the only other movement I get. Exams are looming ahead of me, and I can't see to get motivated. Instead of getting focused I get tired. So, I decide to take a nap. Then I get anxious because I'm not working. This all ends with me running circles around my work, building anxiety as I go. I've managed to completely blow off what should have been my most productive day before finals. Great. And, to boot, I'm starting to feel like a second wheel to Shannon around everyone. I feel like she has created this small network of friends, and I have become this quiet partner. That's probably the first time I have been in that situation, and I'm sure it's not going to get better any time soon. I'm dating an amazing person and people are finally starting to see that. I just wish my team, coaches and even athletes would not seemingly invite me just to invite her to do things.

I hate not having gym. I hate not having the excuse to stop thinking for a little while and focus on something that is instantly gratifying and enjoyable on the worst of days. No, I've lost that part of my life and the friends that go with it, and, instead, I spend hour sulking around the house trying to replace gym with food. Amazing - Getting fat will surely get me out of this pit of self-pity that I have drug myself into -sure.....

Good thing no one knows that I have a blog, huh?! Might lose the friends that Shannon still has....
later